By Scott Ludwig, MagicLudwig1@gmail.com
It’s inevitable that we get older. There comes a time when we no longer age in years but in minutes—seconds, even.
One day we all reach the age that we can practically hear the clock ticking inside our chests.
I’m not speculating here. I’m speaking from experience.
Tick … tick … tick …
That being said, let’s get on with this while I still have time.
I wanted to talk about some of the things that I used to enjoy without the risk of spraining a muscle or breaking a bone.
Things that were once … fun!
And now have become things I’ve left behind. They weren’t fun anymore, mainly because my body lost the capacity to tolerate them, for one reason or another.
Therefore, we had to go our separate ways.
Bowling. My parents were avid bowlers, and therefore my sister and I became avid bowlers – although in my case not by choice. While I never bowled a perfect game, I could always knock down a pin or two. In fact I was on the University of Florida’s bowling team my sophomore year in college. I never got a varsity letter, though, probably because bowling isn’t considered a sport.
Over time I got bored with knocking down the exact same pins that were always in the exact same spot on alleys that you couldn’t tell one from the other. I asked myself ‘what’s the point?’ Ask yourself that question and what do you hear? Exactly: crickets.
Golf. There had never been a golfer in our family, so I was the first. I started golfing when we were stationed on Oahu, so I grew up playing on some really nice courses. I made the high school golf team – made All-City as a junior, in fact – but was booted off the team my senior year because the coach and I couldn’t come to an agreement on the length of my hair. I tried out for the University of Florida golf team my sophomore year in college. Unfortunately, despite playing some of the best golf of my life, I didn’t make the team. Some hack named Andy Bean took my spot before heading off to the PGA tour where he won a tournament or two (OK, so it was 11).
As I got older and my muscles began to lose the elasticity that only comes with youth, my backswing got shorter and shorter as well. So did the length of my shots – and my patience – so I stuffed my clubs in a closet.
Besides, there are three things you can count on playing golf: (1) it won’t be cheap, (2) it takes too long, and (3) every time you hit the ball there are an infinite number of things that can go wrong and only one thing that can go right, so the odds are not in your favor.
Running. About a year after Cindy and I were married, she noted I was fat and suggested I might like to run a mile or two. So that’s exactly what I did, every single day for the next 45 years.
But after putting more miles on my legs than most people put on their cars, my body strongly hinted that I should consider another form of exercise.
RIP, running. 11/30/78 – 12/31/23.
Dairy. Speaking of bodies, they do strange things as age. They develop allergies, lose hearing and/or sight, come down with arthritis, or in extreme cases, get cancer.
As for me – at this point, anyway – my body became intolerant of lactose. The worst offender was milk, now known as public enemy #1.
That meant I had to give up an entire food group. And that meant no more cereal except for Frosted Flakes, which I eat right out of the box like everyone else.
As for my favorite dessert, I now eat ice cream about as often as you or I win the lottery.
***
So what fun things have taken the place of bowling, golf, running, and dairy in my life?
You’ll find out next week.
And if you’ve been around for a while – like me – I don’t think you’ll want to miss it.
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